So when I was listening to a story, say someone telling me a sad story, I was very consciously thinking, "Oh, God, please make a sad enough face. I remember being very aware in the second part of my depression where I would have to consciously control my facial expressions because I wasn't feeling enough organic emotion to generate them naturally. On the difficulty of having appropriate facial expressions when she was depressed And then once all of my emotions disappeared, I very quickly realized that emotions are the only thing that provide variation in your life.Īuthor Interviews 'Hyperbole' Creator Considers All The Things I'm not sensitive anymore." I enjoyed that for a short time, especially when I hadn't lost my feelings completely, where I just felt like I was emotionally very strong. I think growing up I always wanted to be someone tougher than I am, and so when I first started not having feelings anymore I thought, "I'm finally this person who doesn't react. I've always sort of secretly thought of feelings as a weakness. And then slowly it transitioned to feeling nothing and feeling very detached and bored with everything because I couldn't connect in a meaningful way to the things I enjoyed or the things around me. The first part was all sorts of feelings and a lot of self-loathing. Part two was a much more deep and subtle form of depression where I didn't feel anything. On her two-part blog posts about depression In it, as on her blog, she draws herself with a tube body and a yellow, triangle ponytail. Hyperbole and a Half is Allie Brosh's first book. So there's really a lot of work that goes into "perfecting" this crudeness. a millimeter to either side can make such a gigantic difference in a facial expression, or shaving a tiny bit off the corner of the line of the mouth. There's a huge difference between drawing the pupil a slightly different size. Really, a lot of time goes into this crudeness. It's funny people often give me a hard time about how crude and simplistic my art style is. So it's more of a raw representation of what it feels like to be me. I am this crude absurd little thing, this squiggly little thing on the inside.
It's a better tool for communicating my sense of humor and actually getting across what I'm trying to say than, say, being there in the flesh. The reason I draw myself this way is that I feel that this absurd squiggly thing is actually a much more accurate representation of myself than I am. It's a strange sort of animal-like creature. I've got these buggy eyes, I've got a sort of tube body and a little triangle ponytail thing on the top of my head.
I draw myself with very crude illustrations in a program called Paintbrush.
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